1. |
Cranberry Sauce
00:53
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Cranberry sauce should only come from a can
You can spend lots of time making cranberry sauce on your own
But you’re wrong
Cranberry sauce has a shape.
That shape is cylindrical with weird little ridges and it
Should maintain its shape when you poke it with a spoon
Cranberry sauce is the reason for this time of year
Cranberry sauce in a can
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2. |
Lullaby for a Boychild
01:47
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Little baby, little dear one My tender boychild
Softly sleeping so peaceful so meek and so mild
May the angels watch over you all through the night
My darling my sweet boychild
From the distance come three kings and some shepherds and stuff
And the stable is filling with camels and junk
Lots of people are talking and some angels are there
And also a little drummer boy
Now the drummer boy is banging on some drums for the child
And Mary looks distraught but she’s trying to be chill
And some donkeys are braying at the sheep on the hill
And probably they’re gonna wake the Christchild
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3. |
Tannenbaum
01:43
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O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
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4. |
Christmisanthropy
01:39
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I think I’m basically Scrooge
I don’t really love anybody or anything
And I sort of get off on being bitter and sad
I think I’m sort of the Grinch
And I hold tight to my resentment And don’t really know why
And whatever the reason
My spirit is lacking this season and it’s really cheesin me off
And I would spread goodwill and cheer to all mankind
But I hate all men and women too
Including you
So I’ll keep Grinching on
And never loving anyone as much as I love hating things
And I’ll relish my pain
Because it’s easier than growing as a person and it’s already here
I hate Christmas trees
I hate jingling bells and little drumbling boys and I
Hate fruitcake and mincemeat pies because what even is mincemeat
It’s not mince and it’s not meat and it’s barely pie
And I would spread goodwill and cheer to all mankind
But I hate all men and women too
Including you
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5. |
Jingle Times
00:55
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Everyone is jinglin' and tinglin' too
Everyone is gonna jingle rock with you
And everyone is janglin' and tanglin' all over the town
Woah-oah-oah
Everyone is chankle down the jingle chain (?????)
Everyone is rompin' down the jingle house
And everyone knows that when the cold wind blows, you gotta
Jingle all up and down the road tonight
And everyone's janglin' the tromps
And everyone is chonkin' down the jongle chain
And everyone's tinklin', the snow is binklin'
'Cause Santa's around, probably
And everyone's jinglin' the jangle-jomp jormps tonight
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6. |
Santa at the Bar
03:18
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I saw Santa Claus at the bar last night
He likes truffle fries
Just as much I do
I saw Santa Claus at the bar last night
I keep thinkin' about his beard
Lookin' frayed
And I went over to him and said
Oh, I said
Mr. Claus, I won't sit on your lap, because that's weird in this bar
But I have a favor to ask you
Would you please hear my Christmas wish?
My recipe for margaritas isn't a hit at any of the parties that I throw
I was wondrin' if Mrs. Claus had a recipe that you might know
And the drunks are wanderin' home from the bar,
And it's just me and old St. Nick,
And the light dimly flick-ring,
And the bartender running out of patience
Yeah
Please Santa, I need that recipe for margaritas
It's all I want this year
It's all I'm asking for
I'm tired of people spitting out my margaritas
So Santa won't you help me, please?
Santa won't you help me this year?
Oh, it's all I want
All I want is your margarita recipe
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M. Garrett Steele Austin, Texas
Michael Garrett Steele is your friend.
He writes music for video games, as well as scores for short films, webseries, and more.
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